Words For The Weekend (all flowers in time bend toward the sun), Volume 37

This is the latest installment of quotes and words that move me for the weekend of 5/18/13 (Volume 37). I hope you enjoy them too. Feel free to share your favorite quotes, poems or videos in the comments.

This set on “May Flowers” includes a few special treats: Extra music selections,  a video of Mary Oliver reading her poem The Sunflowers, and a selection of tulip garden photographs taken by fellow blogger Mariner2Mother who graciously allowed me to share them with you all (Thank you M2M!) You may view more of her spring tulip photos HERE and HERE

* Edited to add: HAVE YOU SEEN NICHOLE? She’s missing and was last seen May 12 in Glenburn, Maine. Please visit MSFowle for more info or to reblog, or simply click on the photo below:

via: http://msfowle.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/please-help-find-nichole/

via: MSFowle

 

~~~

“The flowers you gave me are rotting
And still I refuse to throw them away
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so I’m waiting and staying awake…
Things I have loved I’m allowed to keep
I’ll never know if I go to sleep…”

~ “The Flowers” performed by Regina Spektor, available on “Soviet Kitsch”  Video HERE (I really love the Russian-esque ending to her song! To get a feel for what a sweetheart Regina is, view this live performance HERE)

*

Alternate song: “Wildflowers” performed by Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris and Linda Ronstadt on album “Trio,” video link HERE. (For a live set of songs from Trio album, Video HERE)

“I grew up fast and wild and I never felt right
In a garden so different from me
I just never belonged, I just longed to be gone
So the garden, one day, set me free

Hitched a ride with the wind and since he was my friend
I just let him decide where we’d go
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don’t care where they grow”

*

*

“The mind I love must have wild places, a tangled orchard where dark damsons drop in the heavy grass, an overgrown little wood, the chance of a snake or two, a pool that nobody’s fathomed the depth of, and paths threaded with flowers planted by the mind.”
Katherine Mansfield

*

“These flowers will be rotten in a couple hours. Birds will crap on them. The smoke here will make them stink, and tomorrow a bulldozer will probably run over them, but for right now they are so beautiful.”
Chuck PalahniukSurvivor

*

“Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be…”
William Wordsworth

*

*

“I prefer by far the warmth and softness to mere brilliancy and coldness. Some people remind me of sharp dazzling diamonds. Valuable but lifeless and loveless. Others, of the simplest field flowers, with hearts full of dew and with all the tints of celestial beauty reflected in their modest petals.”
Anaïs NinThe Early Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 2: 1920-1923

*

“Still I can’t get it out of my mind what a discrepancy there is between ideas and living. A permanent dislocation, though we try to cover the two with a bright awning. And it won’t go. Ideas have to be wedded to action; if there is no sex, no vitality in them, there is no action. Ideas cannot exist alone in the vacuum of the mind. Ideas are related to living: liver ideas, kidney ideas, interstitial ideas, etc. If it were only for the sake of an idea Copernicus would have smashed the existent macrocosm and Columbus would have foundered in the Sargasso Sea. The aesthetics of the idea breeds flowerpots and flowerpots you put on the window sill. But if there be no rain or sun of what use putting flowerpots outside the window?
~ Henry MillerTropic of Cancer

*

*

“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”
Rumi

*

“All flowers in time bend towards the sun
I know you say that there’s no-one for you
but here is one, here is one… here is one…

aah, ooh…
one that can never be known
either all drunk with the world at her feet
or sober with no place to go…

it’s ok to be angry
but not to hurt me…”

Jeff Buckley and Elizabeth Fraser, “All Flowers in Time Bend Toward the Sun”, video HERE. (While the duet is wistfully passionate, Jeff also did a heart-wrenching solo version of this song. I debated back and forth which one to share, so I share them both. Which one do you prefer? Solo video HERE.)

*

*

“I hated roses. I hated them for being so trite, so clichéd, a default, all-purpose flower that said I love you, I’m sorry, and get well soon. Give me peonies and tulips, orchids or gardenia. Those were flowers with character.”
~ Justina Chen, North of Beautiful

*

“She cast her fragrance and her radiance over me. I ought never to have run away from her… I ought to have guessed all the affection that lay behind her poor little stratagems. Flowers are so inconsistent! But I was too young to know how to love her…”
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

*

“Made up my mind to make a new start
Going to California with an aching in my heart.
Someone told me there’s a girl out there
With love in her eyes and flowers in her hair…
To find a queen without a king;
They say she plays guitar and cries and sings.
La la la la…
Side a white mare in the footsteps of dawn
Tryin’ to find a woman who’s never, never, never been born.
Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it’s not as hard, hard, hard as it seems”

~ Led Zeppelin’s “Going to California”, video HERE, available HERE

*

“If I had my life to live over, I would start
bare-footed earlier in the spring and stay
that way later in the fall.
I would play hookey more.
I wouldn’t make such good grades except by
accident.
I would ride on more merry-go-rounds.
I’d pick more daisies.”

Nadine Stair, 87 (Full poem found HERE)

*

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you’re there.

It doesn’t matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that’s like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime.”
~ Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

*

*

I HAPPENED TO BE STANDING — by Mary Oliver

I don’t know where prayers go,
or what they do.
Do cats pray, while they sleep
half-asleep in the sun?
Does the opossum pray as it
crosses the street?
The sunflowers? The old black oak
growing older every year?
I know I can walk through the world,
along the shore or under the trees,
with my mind filled with things
of little importance, in full
self-attendance. A condition I can’t really
call being alive.
Is a prayer a gift, or a petition,
or does it matter?
The sunflowers blaze, maybe that’s their way.
Maybe the cats are sound asleep. Maybe not.

While I was thinking this I happened to be standing
just outside my door, with my notebook open,
which is the way I begin every morning.
Then a wren in the privet began to sing.
He was positively drenched in enthusiasm,
I don’t know why. And yet, why not.
I wouldn’t pursuade you from whatever you believe
or whatever you don’t. That’s your business.
But I thought, of the wren’s singing, what could this be
if it isn’t a prayer?
So I just listened, my pen in the air.

From Oliver’s newest collection of poems A Thousand Mornings available via Amazon HERE. (For an interview NPR conducted with Oliver including three new poems, an interview sound recording of the interview with interview transcript, visit HERE.)

*

The Sunflowers — by Mary Oliver

Come with me
into the field of sunflowers.
Their faces are burnished disks,
their dry spines

creak like ship masts,
their green leaves,
so heavy and many,
fill all day with the sticky

sugars of the sun.
Come with me
to visit the sunflowers,
they are shy

but want to be friends;
they have wonderful stories
of when they were young -
the important weather,

the wandering crows.
Don’t be afraid
to ask them questions!
Their bright faces,

which follow the sun,
will listen, and all
those rows of seeds -
each one a new life!

hope for a deeper acquaintance;
each of them, though it stands
in a crowd of many,
like a separate universe,

is lonely, the long work
of turning their lives
into a celebration
is not easy. Come

and let us talk with those modest faces,
the simple garments of leaves,
the coarse roots in the earth
so uprightly burning.

From New and Selected Poems, Available via Amazon HERE
*

Mary Oliver reads her above poem “The Sunflowers” HERE:

~~~

Scattered, Smothered and Covered (My blog’s theme?)

I recently read a post on Carrie Rubin’s blog in which she mentioned that she usually doesn’t write or share something if it doesn’t fit with her blog’s “tone.” Soon after, I read a post on Madame Weebles’ blog that she doesn’t really have a theme or a “hook,” instead she prefers just “winging it.”

It got me thinking… Do I have a tone? A hook? A theme?

My blog is often a reflection of my life–a little bit scattered–smothered and covered–and rambly with a few recurring themes that somehow all link together at the end of the day, often via the strangest means, sometimes even via my love of bacon and monkeys.

I write about sobriety, though I wouldn’t call myself a full-fledged “sober blogger,” because I write about other stuff too. At two years sober, quite honestly, I don’t even think about sobriety every single day. Sobriety is just part of my life now, ingrained in me, like someone who has received a new heart or kidney via transplant–it’s part of me, and I need it to survive. I would get bored if I wrote about it every single day. I would get bored writing about anything every single day. But I do love reading sober blogs–they help me remember where I came from, and they give me a chance to support others in their sobriety.

I’ve had a handful of new followers lately, and I think a few of you might even be real people (as opposed to the proliferation of spam and business website followers). A couple of you may even be new to this whole sobriety deal, maybe taking part of the 100 day challenge of no drinking (curious? take a look at Belle’s blog HERE), and if so, yay!, congratulations! I will support you any way I can. Feel free to ask anything and comment freely on any post and check out my blogroll of other sober bloggers too.

While I don’t write about sobriety every day, I do write about living life sober–dealing with life’s ups and downs without drinking over any of the good stuff or bad stuff, even though there’s lots of temptation along the way (holidays, getting nitrous at the dentist, bad days, cravings, anger, your dog getting cancer, grief and depression, and more).

I love that I have blog friends and followers who don’t battle addiction. You show us “sober” folks that we’re not the weird, crazy outcasts that we often feel we are. Well, maybe we are weird and crazy, but you don’t care because you’re crazy too. We’re all a little crazy in our own ways. I think by focusing on those things we have in common, we can all learn a little from each other along the way. Plus, I know addiction touches many lives. Many of you have family or friends that battle, or have battled, addictions. More people can relate to addiction than not. While I know the word “sober” repels many folks from checking out my blog–their loss, right?–it just shows me the people who are here are pretty awesome.

Music, running, bacon, my zoo, and grieving my mom’s loss are all key themes too. I also share a “Words for the Weekend” post most weekends of music, quotes and poetry and other people’s works. It started whimsically, on a quiet weekend, when I was craving some inspiration. I’ve kept doing them because they inspire some of you too, they’re fun to do, and, hey, I love any opportunity to share music.

When I began blogging in April 2012, my theme was a bit wanderlust, “I don’t know where I’m running, I’m just running on…” I still don’t know where I’m running, but I am still going.

I’m still going, because life itself goes on.

Life goes on.

Maybe that’s my overriding theme? An awareness of passing time… Life goes on… No matter what happens–good, bad, or ugly–it goes on. And it will still go on without me, without you. Time stops for no one. Tick, tick, tick, each moment passes, and each is a moment we will never again have. How shall we spend those few precious moments while we are here?

Life goes on.

Life even geos on.

photo: Per Englund from book Life Geos On

Life Geos On
photo: Per Englund from book Life Geos On

I may be making some little changes to my blog format in the coming weeks. Adding some color, sprucing things up… but not too much, clutter stresses me out, and I am not exactly crazy about change. But I evolve (life goes on…) I’m even thinking about sharing more poetry and prose, and breaking out of my writing comfort zone a bit. I hope you’ll hang in there with me.

Oh, bonus points if you know where the scattered, smothered and covered reference comes from. And no, I don’t mean Hootie and the Blowfish, though they do a cool version of Tom Waits’ “I Hope That I Don’t Fall in Love With You.” (Waits original HERE)

Do you have a theme for your blog (or for your life)? Or do you prefer “winging it?” Do you like hash browns and Tom Waits? Any changes you’d like to see to my blog? Any thing I’d better not change? I’d love to hear from you! 

Words For The Weekend (My mother is a poem), Volume 36

This is the latest installment of quotes and words that move me for the weekend of 5/11/13 (Volume 36). I hope you enjoy them too.

In honor of Mother’s Day on May 12:

~~~

“She is not the picture on the magazine
She’s the woman just behind you at the checkout stand
She may appear to be common but she mystifies
In all the ways the wisest men and children understand
‘Cause she has eyes that sparkle with her love
And she has a smile that’s as gentle as a dove
And no woman from a movie or an ad could ever hope to be
As beautiful as she

She is not a highly honored diplomat
Held responsible to lead the world to peace
But what she does is every bit as serious
Amidst the turmoil everywhere that will never cease
‘Cause she has hands that wipe the tears away
And she has a voice that makes everything O.K.
And no woman from the papers or T.V. could ever hope to be
As indispensable as she

And it breaks my heart every time I see her wonder
If she means anything in this world that pulls her under
And she doesn’t always see the way that Heaven smiles above her
That’s the reason I try to always tell her that I love her

‘Cause she may not be known for giving millions
To the charities and auctions on the news
But I believe she’s given more than anyone
In all the times she’s ever had to choose
To give up sleep to rock her children every night
And give her heart to always hold their dreams so tight
And the best that you or I could ever hope to be
Is as wonderful as she
And the best that you or I could ever hope to be
Is as wonderful as she”

~ “She” performed by Cherie Call (her website and lyrics HERE). Available on “Beneath These Stars”  Video HERE

*

Alternate song: “Child of Mine” performed by Carole King on album “Carole King The Carnegie Hall Concert June 18, 1971,” video link HERE.

“You don’t need direction, you know which way to go
And I don’t want to hold you back, I just want to watch you grow
You’re the one who taught me you don’t have to look behind
Oh yes, sweet darling
So glad you are a child of mine

Child of mine, child of mine
Oh yes, sweet darling
So glad you are a child of mine

Nobody’s gonna kill your dreams
Or tell you how to live your life
There’ll always be people to make it hard for a while
But you’ll change their heads when they see you smile

The times you were born in may not have been the best
But you can make the times to come better than the rest
I know you will be honest if you can’t always be kind
Oh yes, sweet darling
So glad you are a child of mine”

*

What I Learned From My Mother

BY JULIA KASDORF

I learned from my mother how to love

the living, to have plenty of vases on hand

in case you have to rush to the hospital

with peonies cut from the lawn, black ants

still stuck to the buds. I learned to save jars

large enough to hold fruit salad for a whole

grieving household, to cube home-canned pears

and peaches, to slice through maroon grape skins

and flick out the sexual seeds with a knife point.

I learned to attend viewings even if I didn’t know

the deceased, to press the moist hands

of the living, to look in their eyes and offer

sympathy, as though I understood loss even then.

I learned that whatever we say means nothing,

what anyone will remember is that we came.

I learned to believe I had the power to ease

awful pains materially like an angel.

Like a doctor, I learned to create

from another’s suffering my own usefulness, and once

you know how to do this, you can never refuse.

To every house you enter, you must offer

healing: a chocolate cake you baked yourself,

the blessing of your voice, your chaste touch.

From Sleeping Preacher, University of Pittsburgh Press, 1992. Copyright © 1992 by Julia Kasdorf. Via PoetryFoundation.Org

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~ Abe Lincoln Image via Tumblr

~ Abe Lincoln
Image via Tumblr

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“My mother is a poem
I’ll never be able to write,
though everything I write
is a poem to my mother.”
Sharon Doubiago

~~~

Roll Call aka Giving It Up For My Fellow Peeps

Reblogged from Message in a Bottle:

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I love blogging.   But what I love even more is reading other blogs.  I love hearing other people's stories, hearing about their struggles (current and past) and reading about how they are overcoming them or how they dealt with them in the past.  No two stories are alike - circumstances vary, and we all have our bottoms - but the underlying truths and emotions are the same.  

Read more… 2,218 more words

The sober blogging community is a wonderfully kooky and unique group of folks. I am two years sober today, and you all--sober blogger or not--have helped me get there. Thank you all, and thank you Paul for this detailed and touching homage to your fellow sober bloggers and for making so many people feel special. *You* are pretty dang special yourself, Paul.

Words For The Weekend (Bones in your closet, Into the clear-headed day), Volume 35

This is the latest installment of quotes and words that move me for the weekend of 5/4/13 (Volume 35). I hope you enjoy them too.

This is a continuation of last week’s ”demons” theme. I promise something cheerier next time; if you have a theme idea or request, let me know in the comments. 

Happy two years of sobriety, today May 4, to Paul at Message in a Bottle! Paul is beloved by so many of us “sober bloggers”, and I’m excited to share one of his posts on Monday.

Good luck to Nicole Marie at runbartenderRUN (and Words and Other Things) who runs her first marathon tomorrow, May 5! Run Nicole, run! <3

~~~

“You’ve got bones in your closet
You’ve got ghosts in your town
Ain’t no doubt, yeah, they’re gonna come out
They’re waiting for the sun to go down
You can’t hide from your demons
Feel ‘em all lurkin’ around
You’re runnin’ scared ’cause you know they’re out there
They’re waiting for the sun to go down”

~ “Bones” performed by Little Big Town. Available on “The Road to Here”  Video HERE

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Alternate song: “Demons” performed by The National on upcoming album “Trouble Will Find Me,” video link HERE. New album releases May 21.

“Passing buzzards in the sky,
Alligators in the sewers.
I don’t even wonder why,
Hide among the under views.
Huddle with them all night long,
The worried talk to god goes on.
I sincerely tried to love it,
Wish that I could rise above it.
But I stay down,
With my demons.
I stay down,
With my demons.”

*

“Be careful when you cast out your demons that you don’t throw away the best of yourself.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

 *

*

 “I suddenly realized. The zebra. It is not something outside of us. The zebra is something inside of us. Our fears. Our own self-destructive nature. The zebra is the worst part of us when we are face-to-face with our worst times. The demon is us!” ~ Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain

 *

“But there’s nothing to be done about it. All I can do is put in time waiting for the inevitable, observing as the ghosts of my past rattle around my vacuous present. They crash and bang and make themselves at home, mostly because there’s no competition. I’ve stopped fighting them. They’re crashing and banging around in there now. Make yourselves at home, boys. Stay awhile. Oh, sorry—I see you already have. Damn ghosts.” ~ Sara Gruen, Water For Elephants

*

“Ghosts don’t haunt us. That’s not how it works. They’re present among us because we won’t let go of them.” ~ Sue Grafton, M Is for Malice

*

“But she had known, better than anyone else, what demons he had faced, had known how hard he had fought to free himself from them. That he had lost the fight in the end made the struggle no less honorable.” ~ Donna Woolfolk Cross, Pope Joan

*

“He therefore turned to mankind only with regret. His cathedral was enough for him. It was peopled with marble figures of kings, saints and bishops who at least did not laugh in his face and looked at him with only tranquillity and benevolence. The other statues, those of monsters and demons, had no hatred for him – he resembled them too closely for that. It was rather the rest of mankind that they jeered at. The saints were his friends and blessed him; the monsters were his friends and kept watch over him. He would sometimes spend whole hours crouched before one of the statues in solitary conversation with it. If anyone came upon him then he would run away like a lover surprised during a serenade.” ~ Victor HugoThe Hunchback of Notre-Dame

*

“But if you can confront your inner demons—”

“I did confront my inner demon. I punched him in the face and he exploded.”

Valkyrie had to laugh. “But now he’s back.”

“Of course he’s back. He’s resourceful. He is my inner demon, after all.”
Derek Landy, Death Bringer (Skulduggery Pleasant, #6)

*

“There was once a lady who was arrogant and proud. Determined to attain enlightenment, she asked all the authorities how to go about it. She was told, “Well, if you climb to the top of this very high mountain, you’ll find a cave there. Sitting inside that cave is a wise old woman. She will tell you.” Having endured great hardships, the lady finally found this cave. Sure enough, sitting there was a gentle spiritual-looking old woman in white clothing, who smiled beatifically. Overcome with awe and respect, the lady prostrated at the feet of this woman and said, “I want to attain enlightenment. Show me how.” This wise woman looked at her and asked sweetly, “Are you sure you want to attain enlightenment?” And the woman said, “Of course I’m sure.” Whereupon the smiling woman turned into a demon, stood up brandishing a great big stick, and started chasing her, saying, “Now! Now! Now!” For the rest of her life, that lady could never get away from the demon who was always saying, Now! Now–that’s the key. Mindfulness trains us to be awake and alive, fully curious, about now.” ~ Pema ChödrönComfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion

 *

“But you can’t get to any of these truths by sitting in a field smiling beatifically, avoiding your anger and damage and grief. Your anger and damage and grief are the way to the truth. We don’t have much truth to express unless we have gone into those rooms and closets and woods and abysses that we were told not go in to. When we have gone in and looked around for a long while, just breathing and finally taking it in – then we will be able to speak in our own voice and to stay in the present moment. And that moment is home.”  ~ Anne Lamott

*

The Straight and Narrow by Iain Haley Pollock

Near the house that spills banjo music,
the one guarded by a porch stacked

with encyclopedias, ripped out car seats
and outmoded computer screens,

a smell like death stops me. A smell
of slow rot. Across the street, an old man

is mowing his lawn for the last time
before winter, but it isn’t the mix

of gasoline and cut grass I smell.
Searching the road for a mashed squirrel

or a drain seeping sewage onto the asphalt,
I find nothing. Nothing at the shotgun house

next door, where the former plot of sickly cabbage
has been uprooted and the soil turned over.

As church bells begin to call out the hour,
competing witht the mower’s whine, a man–

tattooed face and knit cap worn in all weather–
appears on the porce, wringing the neck of a Miller Lite

in the young morning. I pretend to watch
a stray cat lick a length of calico fur along its spine,

envying the man his public display of freedom, of pain.
A flurry of leaves flies off the overarching maples,

and he tips his bottle at me, then takes a short, sharp swig.
It would be easy to climb the steps and join him,

to spend the day there, trading trips to the fridge
and meandering stories, and some roseate part

of my mind urges my body toward this. That piece of me
remembers rollicking nights in open fields, slurred vows

of happiness, stumbling promises of love,
and cannot understand why we have cast off

such things. That piece–I have to remind it
of the rooms with no windows, of waking

in pools of my own anger and remorse.
I nod back at the man, and head for the corner,

arriving as the bus stops and exhales. My token
chimes into the collection box, and when I find a seat

next to a boy–crowned with headphones
and bopping to a faintly audible beat–the bus

banks away from the curb and into the clear-headed day.

“The Straight and Narrow” by Iain Haley Pollock, from After Shocks, The Poetry of Recovery

~~~

When April Ends (Musings on April, Demons, Spring and Milestones)

Is it over? Can I wake up now? I feel like I’ve been both collectively holding my breath and sleepwalking ever since April began.

“Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends”

Lyrics from Green Day’s song “Wake Me Up When September Ends”

I read that Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of Green Day, wrote the lyrics to “Wake Me Up When September Ends” about his father, who died of cancer on September 1st, 1982. After his father’s funeral, Billie went to his room and cried, telling his mom, “Wake me up when September ends.” I understand. I feel the same about April.

April ranks right up there with Tuesdays in my book. Not too highly. Bad news comes on Tuesdays, people die in April. I felt validation (“hey, I’ve been saying that all along about Tuesdays and Aprils”) when I read this on Cayman Thorn’s (Drinkswellwithothers) post “This ‘New Normal’ Is Getting Old“:

“As my thoughts tumbled through the trembling emptiness, I thought on the piece Howard Burkes wrote on Tuesday morning about April being the cruelest month. It seems an unfair thing that such a hopeful month has gone so damned ugly.”

I remember one time, in September ironically, my Mom got very sick. We lost her briefly, and only because of some hospital legalese and confusion did they “bring her back.” It remained touch-and-go for a while, though Mom asked me, “Do they think I’m going to die? I don’t feel like I am–it’s not April yet.” Maybe god told her to go back and wait until April.

She didn’t wait until April, though she did wait until March 21–the first full day of Spring.

via paperblog.com

Depressed daffodil
via paperblog.com

I wonder if it’s Spring that I don’t subconsciously dread. I know Spring is about new growth, rebirth, waking from hibernation, warmer temperatures, daffodils, rainbows and unicorns, and all else that glitters. Then why does it seem to bring so many of us down? I’m not the only one that’s had the Springtime Blues–nearly every other blogger I read has felt them too. The funks, the blahs, the meh’s. Those blues sure have been making the rounds.

Spring should make me happy, but really, I’d rather just sleep through it.

The symbolism of rebirth doesn’t escape me though. I wonder often if we have some say in when we leave this world–when we’re reborn into the next. Sure, it’s a death-day here, but if you think about it, it’s a birth-day for the next world. Just musings, I’m sure, but when my mom–the gardener–dies on the first full day of Spring, my grandfather–the huge prankster and joke-teller–dies on April Fool’s Day, my grandmother and his wife–the animal and nature lover–dies just three weeks later on Earth Day (of a broken heart–April is so cruel), and my aunt dies on Good Friday (how’s that for rebirth symbolism?), it does make me wonder. Doesn’t it you?

I don’t mean to turn this in to a post about death and grief though.

I’m really just relieved that April is over.

May flowers via pearlevision.com

Ready for May flowers
via pearlevision.com

I wasn’t sure I would get out of April without another loss though, April is so cruel. I had to take my husband to the emergency room last week. Thankfully he is home and doing well. The experience did bring me face-to-face with some demons from my past though. Maybe I’ll write about those next time.

I also had to rush Spot to the vet yesterday due to some complications from her chemo treatment (she had the heavy-duty stuff last week.) Of course my monkey-mind (yes, I worked in monkeys, Guap!) and those April-demons had me thinking the worse, but she is okay too.

I know some of you have lost family members and friends this April. I am very sorry. April is so cruel.

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I realize that I am right in between two milestones today. One week ago, April 23, I celebrated one year of blogging. In one week, May 6, I will celebrate two years of sobriety. Thank you everyone for going along for the ride with me.

And thank you Sherry, for passing along the The Very Inspiring Blogger Award to me! Sherry blogs at Maintaining The Zen about life, sobriety, family and balance, all while maintaining her zen.

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~ “Wake Me Up When September Ends” performed by Green Day. Available on “American Idiot” Video HERE

Words For The Weekend (Monsters and Demons and Yoda, Oh My!), Volume 34

This is the latest installment of quotes and words that move me for the weekend of 4/27/13 (Volume 34). I hope you enjoy them too.

This collection takes a step off the beaten path and features, primarily, the work of other bloggers I respect and enjoy. It seems we all have our demons. So much so, I’ll be carrying the theme into next weekend. Thanks to bloggers: Kozo, Jaded, SageDoyleRisingWoman, and ByeByeBeer for allowing me to share their work. If you like what you see, please visit their blogs or leave ‘em some love in the comments. Have a great week everyone!

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“Sometimes they’re in a bottle,
Sometimes a pair of high-heel shoes,
Some come rolled in paper
Some have six strings and only play the blues
Once you’ve met the devil
There ain’t no way he’ll let you be
When I’m not chasing demons,
There’s demons chasing me

Skeletons in closets
Ghosts underneath the bed
They hide out in pictures
And words better left unsaid
They hang around like perfume
And haunt me like an ancient melody
When I’m not chasing demons,
There’s demons chasing me…”

~ “Demons” performed by Kenny Chesney. Available on “Just Who I Am: Poets & Pirates” Video HERE.

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Alternate song: “Diamonds” performed by Ben Howard with India Bourne from “Every Kingdom,” video link HERE. ((This live performance is BRILLIANT!))

“All I am is the bones you made for me
So garishly clean
White as the horses, they carry me away
No my demons, you said, come and go with a haze
Minds will too play
Grow old in my ways
Oh, just like you do.”

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“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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… though I think I prefer Yoda’s quote, discovered via Kozo at Everyday Gurus in “Good Guys and Bad Guys–Teaching My Children About Peace” :

“When you look at the dark side, careful you must be… for the dark side looks back.” ~ Yoda, Dark Rendezvous

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via Tumblr

~ Stephen King; image via Tumblr

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Sinking Deeper by Jaded

This first time
You beckon me with your open arm
You beckon me with your cunning charm
I see
I believe
I embrace you and succumb to your warmth
I float this first time.

This second time
You beckon me with your open arm
You beckon me with your cunning charm
I see
I believe
I embrace you and succumb to what I believe will be your warmth
Instead replaced by your icy grip
Against my will this time I sink
This second time.

This third time
You beckon be with your open arm
You beckon me with your cunning charm
I see
I want to believe
I tentatively embrace you
I once again succumb to your icy grip
Sink deeper yet again
This third time.

All other times
You beckon me with your open arm
You beckon me with your cunning charm
I no longer want to see
I no longer believe
Yet I still embrace you
I still succumb to your icy grip
I sink deeper and deeper.

~ “Sinking Deeper” by Jaded. Jaded blogs at Stuphblog as 1Jaded1.

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“It is the voices now that keep him company, realizing he is needing a presence, another body, an energy other than his own being.  His loneliness becomes an emotional cyclone sometimes, as if it is the loneliness accumulated throughout his lifetime he felt in one single moment.  The cyclone becomes a device the voices use, telling him to do unnatural things or dictating deeper scenarios than what are evident, yet he ignores them, the best he can.  He is able to pretend that they are demons in his castle, the evil spirits who try to destroy the sorcerer, and his magic is too powerful to be disturbed by this opposition.  He must conquer these demons, after all, the fate of the entire kingdom is in his hands.” ~ from SageDoyle’s post “Inner Demons” via his blog SageDoyle. (Thank you Sage for sharing your novel excerpt expressly for this post!)

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“It means that I have thrown the window wide open, and let the sunlight in to the deepest, dankest, darkest corner of my life. I now know that the expression, ‘Demons turn to stone when exposed to the light’ is true. I have really and truly killed my demon; I dragged him kicking and screaming in to the light, and he is gone. For the first time in 15 years, I am free.” ~ from Michelle’s at Rising Woman post “Dragging the demons in to the light(Michelle recounts her story of sexual assault in her new short story “This One Guy.” Says Michelle, “All royalties earned on this short story will be donated to organisations that work to raise awareness of sexual assault and/or support victims of rape, incest, and assault.”)

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“My husband jokes that I’m running from my demons. This is funny because it’s dead true. Before I started running, I tried to sedate my demons with massive doses of sugar and caffeine. Not surprisingly, this did not work. Running is supposed to tire my demons out, but instead I feel like a parent who dozes off while reading a bedtime story to a toddler who silently continues to bounce through the night …

I gotta have something to look forward to that’s fun (mostly) and rewarding and takes me out of my own head for a bit. For awhile, meetings helped me feel that way. Then I discovered candy, then exercise. Maybe one of these days they’ll all work in harmony and lull my little demons to sleep. That sounds nice.”

~ from ByeByeBeer’s post “Exercising Demons” via her blog ByeByeBeer.

exercise demons

Tired demons are happy demons.
Image credited to Bobby Chiu; via ByeByeBeer

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“My favorite book from childhood was about a little girl who wakes up one night to the sounds of scratching from underneath her bed. It turns out to be a mischievous demon only she can see. He kicks her out of her own bed, eats all her sugar cookies and slurps all her milk, and gets her in trouble by hanging a turkey from the dining room chandelier. The story was great, but the illustrations were really what got me.

He was so darn cute that I very much wanted my own demon or at least a cat or dog that looked like a demon. In the story, the demon gets attached to an oddly shaped glass bottle, a rubber snake, and those sugar cookies. Eventually the girl comes to love the demon, which is his cue to split, so he climbs into the night sky with all his favorites except for the oddly shaped bottle because it’s too cumbersome to carry.

“These demons, that’s how they are,” soothes the girl’s grandmother. “They come and go, come and go.” The girl is so heartbroken, she cries herself to sleep.

I liked to think the demon might come back to her one day, if only for more milk and cookies. From what I know about demons now, they don’t ever really leave us.”

 ~ from ByeByeBeer’s post “These demons, they come and go” via her blog ByeByeBeer

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image via Tumblr

image via Tumblr

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My Head is a Hotel by RunningOnSober

My demons they come, my demons they go
Though mainly at night, when I’m feeling most low

The sign says “no vacancy, go elsewhere to feed”
But signs don’t mean much, if your demons can’t read

“Wake up wake up, it’s time to go play!”
“Not right now, I need sleep, just please go away!”

“But I am so strong, and you are so weak,
Especially at night when it’s sleep you most seek.”

“But I don’t want to talk, and I don’t want to play
And I don’t feel like wrestling–at least not today.”

“Then make room in your head, we’ll just cuddle all night.”
“Please, no!, little demon, leave me!, alright?”

“No talking, no battles, we’ll just spoon until day.”
Well I do like to snuggle…
“Come curl up little demon, I guess that’s okay.”

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image via Tumblr

image via Tumblr

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